Jon Tells You What To Think, Part 4

Yeah I know, I haven't posted one of these for like six months, but I haven't forgotten about it, I've just been too lazy to write one up. So here's another bunch of my favorite albums, numbers ten through six.

(see Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)

10: A Perfect Circle - Mer de Noms

The first time I heard this album I was dead drunk, and it completely blew me away. Maybe if I'd been sober it wouldn't have had quite so much of an effect on me, but there's no denying it's a brilliant album. A lot of people were disappointed when it first came out because it didn't sound like Tool (a silly expectation if you ask me, there's only one guy whose a member of both bands, and there wouldn't be much point in him being in two bands that sound the same), it's in the same broad genre of alternative metal but with a more gentle, melodic side.

Judith is their most popular song (probably because it's one of the heaviest tracks), and it is damn good, but my favorite has to be Three Libras, a sad, beautiful song which remains at the top of my favorites playlist even after four years. (It's got an awesome video too.)

9: Dr Kevorkian and the Suicide Machine - The Ironman

I have to thank Joel for randomly chucking this one at me one day and saying “I think you might like this”. Dr. Kevorkian is more or less the solo project of one Jordan Reyne, and it has a kind of ambient industrial style that might be classified as Darkwave. This album (the first under the name 'Dr Kevorkian', but not Reyne's first album) is dark, haunting and beautiful, but also with a heavier side. The music itself is simply inspired, which caused me to overlook the lyrics for a long time, but once I did get round to reading them I was very impressed with them too. It's easy for people to make fun of goth music, but this album takes the genre and does everything perfectly, where so many other musicians have been let down by their overblown pomposity.

8: The Doors - L.A. Woman

After a string of commercial disappointments The Doors' final album was hailed as a return to form, although sadly Jim Morrisons' death was just around the corner so we'll never know what they might have gone on to from here. Still, it's a damn fine note to leave on (even Ray Manzarek pretends that their two post-Jim albums don't exist), the quiet, mystical album closer Riders on the Storm remains (justifiably) one of The Doors' most well known songs, but the rest of the album is just as good, roving through all sorts of different styles. The opening track The Changeling is very 70s rock (complete with wah guitar), and many of the other tracks have a strong blues influence. Love Her Madly, the obligatory attempt to recapture the success of Light My Fire present on all of their albums, is by far the best 'catchy single' song they ever did, even better than Light My Fire. But my favourite track is Hyacinth House, a slow, sad but not depressing song.

Jim's lyrics are as usual pretty cool, in a very acid induced kind of way. The W.A.S.P. (Texas Radio and the Big Beat) is probably one of his best songs ever,

“I love the friends I have gathered together on this thin raft/ We have constructed pyramids in honour of our escaping.”

7: Coil - Musick to Play in the Dark

Coil produced far more than their share of brilliant albums over the years, but Musick is widely regarded as one of the finest. It's one of their more ambient, moody products, and also one of their most accessible, (even my mum asked for a copy). There's not a whole lot of craziness here, which is perhaps it's only defect, but instead we have six finely crafted ten minute songs, each of which exhibits a different kind of melancholic but trippy ambiance.

My favourite track is probably Red Queen, although many others come close. A bass drone and a warped jazz drum beat provide a menacing rhythm, and Jhon Balance darkly intones his lyrics while a ghostly piano improvises over the top. It's a very spooky song, truly suited for playing in the dark...

6: Dr Kevorkian and the Suicide Machine -The Loneliest of Creatures

Hey look! It's these guys again! On the second Dr Kevorkian album, the music becomes almost completely ambient, which would have struck me as being a bad idea before I heard it, as one of the first album's strengths was it's tight songwriting, but the result is absolutely brilliant.

The album has a potentially very pretentious concept behind it; it follows the journey of a deep space probe which has lost contact with earth. Fortunately they don't push it too hard, and there are very few lyrics on the album, so it's mostly just mood. The album makes good use of space oriented samples, such as radio transmissions and in one particularly well composed track, the electromagnetic waves given off by the Earth translated into audible sound. Over the top is the odd spoken word vocal or sad violin. Underneath it are a wide variety of menacing bass drones. You can't go wrong with a good long bass drone!

So, come back in about another six months for the next installment.

Lucifer: The Divine Comedy

by Mike Carey

I just finished part four of the Lucifer series. There's not much more to say about it than what I said about the earlier entries, as we're now in the middle of a pretty tight plot. I will say that it's the best of the four I've read so far, the larger direction of the plot becomes more cohesive and lots of interesting twists were introduced, while other threads were satisfactorily resolved.

I appreciated some of the art a bit more this time around too. I liked the way that the Basanos (an animated deck of Tarot cards) were washed out and in a different style to the rest of the art, emphasising their otherwordliness. The writer and artists also did a really awesome job of rendering God, who we see for the first time in this collection.

The last issue in the collection is a real classic. It's a one off not tightly related to the main story arc, but it's absolutely hilarious. Two fallen cherubs attempt to sneak into the House of the Sleeper (“Huh? What? Is it the end of the world already?”) to retrieve a magic artifact.

“We need a thousand miles long gossamer rope, a pregnant akbitur and the oil of the Amaranthine Xar. To go.”

“Hey, are you sure that Akbitur is pregnant?”

“Well, she's knitting little woolen booties. And last night she was looking at a book of baby names.”

Fuck it, I'm Just Going To Smoke This Now

Deftones – B-Sides and Rarities

So their new album has been delayed (again!) but in the meantime we have this double disc retrospective sort of compilation to celebrate their tenth anniversary as a band. The first disc is an audio CD, which features mostly covers, and some of them are pretty weird; The Smith's Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want and The Cure's If Only Tonight We Could Sleep make sense for the Deftones to perform and are damn good songs. A little more surprising but also good are covers of songs by Helmet and Lynyrd Skynyrd. Less pleasing to my ears are covers of Duran Duran and Sade's No Ordinary Love, but points for trying something different.

Randomly enough, there's also a cover of Idiot Pilot's cover of the Deftones' Teenager, ooh, self-referential! It's basically the same as the original except with more analog instruments and prettier singing, but still very good. There are some other different versions of Deftones songs here too, namely acoustic versions of Change, Digital Bath and Be Quiet and Drive, which all suit the mellower format very well, (despite what their guitarist says.*)

The remaining new songs are Crenshaw Punch, an Around the Fur era thrasher, and Black Moon, basically a rap song, featuring B Real from Cypress Hill. They're both OK, but not great.

The second disc is a DVD featuring all of their music videos. The Deftones have a fondness for plain live footage, or even worse, 'band playing the song in a crazy place' videos, but their live stuff does make for a decent video, and the only really bad example of the 'crazy place' video is My Own Summer, where they're playing on cages in shark infested water. But there are a few classics here too, namely Change, which perfectly matches the song's dark mood and Chino's opaque lyrics with an equally dark video and equally opaque imagery, and Bloody Cape, which is a rather bewildering take on a music video standard - the clip all about a hot chick in a short skirt. In between each video are little snippets of live footage, interviews and behind the scenes stuff, which are both interesting and entertaining. There are also live videos for Root and Engine Number 9.

I normally don't talk about the packaging of an album because it makes me feel like too much of a geek, but I will say that this one is particularly nice. It comes with a little booklet featuring lots of pictures and comments about each song on the CD written by the band. It even smells nice!

Overall it's a very nicely put together package. Maybe not worth it just for the b-sides disc, but it definitely is when you factor in the DVD.

*"There's nothing worse than taking some song you wrote to rock out and having to play it like a pussy"

Mike Patton Related Goodness

At the risk of becoming a sounding board for another blog, I must note that Fourth Eye has news regarding Mike Patton's plans for the next year. Tomahawk are recording in December (fuck yeah!) and Peeping Tom is due mid next year (uh, didn't he say that last year and the year before?).

It's Gonna Be Hardcore!

A cool interview with Dillinger Escape Plan's vocalist can be found here.

Money quote:

"The new album is gonna be ridiculous. I can promise you that. Chris and Ben have been writing shit they can hardly even play and then practicing it until it's blazing fast."

I'm the Nailbomb

Soulfly – Dark Ages

Death metal normally doesn't do a whole lot for me. It can be fun, especially live, but the only members of the genre who I'd go out and buy albums buy are (older) Sepultura and Soulfly. Soulfly's last album Prophecy was pretty good, nothing life changing but some good heavy shit, so I was really looking forward to this one.

And it delivers, more or less meeting expectations by being pretty much exactly more of the same again. One of the things that make Sepultura and Soulfly different from similar bands is the incorporation of classical and traditional 'ethnic music' (I usually really dislike that term) into their songs. On Prophecy nearly every track began or ended with a mellowed out genre shift to music with a middle eastern or south american feel, or contained a flamenco guitar solo or something similarly unconventional. There are fewer of these kinds of things on Dark Ages, which is a bit of a disappointment, but the few that there are are pretty good.

There are also some electronic touches on a few of the songs, which was a bit unexpected. Riotstarter is an unusual metal derivation of The Prodigy's Firestarter, which works really well. Drum and bass mixed with metal usually does, and why it isn't done more often I don't know. The March is a short but cool military sounding anthem, driven by what sounds like either an overworked drum machine or some very processed acoustic drums.

The album proper ends with the traditional Soulfly track, a pretty, laid back instrumental without a trace of anger or a single distorted guitar. This album's version is a particularly good one, going for over ten minutes without even coming close to wearing out its welcome. After that we have a couple of bonus tracks. Salmo-91 is another album track, but a departure from the others in terms of style. It's moody and dark where the other metal tracks are all heavy and aggressive. It happens to be one of the best on the album, they should do more stuff like this. There are a few live tracks too, which are cool and all but not quite as good as the ones off Prophecy.

Max Cavalera's lyrics have never been anything to write home about, and nothing changes on this album. There's a bit of an anti-war theme this time around, but otherwise he mainly sticks to the same old subjects – his faith, his family and fucking people up. Of course, he does have a flare for catchiness and that's definitely still present; it's always fun to jump around and yell “People like you just fuel my hate!”

Overall I'd say that despite having a few excellent tracks this album doesn't quite live up to Prophecy. It's more straight out metal than that album, and when they do that they tend to sacrifice a bit of their songwriting talent in order to get that extra thrashyness. Prophecy managed to overcome this by incorporating other styles directly into the heaviest songs, but on this one they're kept separate, and the heavy songs miss out on a bit of what makes Soulfly different because of that.

Bonus Link

Also via The Cerebrate's Contemplations: Proposed changes to the British highway code.

Because I'm too Hungover to Post Anything Else

Hey! It's a live journal style big arsed random list meme thingy! (from The Cerebrate's Contemplations).

Statements that are true about me in bold. My comments in italics.

• I miss somebody right now.
• I don't watch much TV these days. America's Next Top Model just started again!
• I love olives. Damn dirty olives!
• I own lots of books.
• I wear glasses or contact lenses.
• I love to play video games.
• I've tried marijuana. Note to any family members or police officers who may read this: I have not actually tried marijuana.
• I've watched porn movies. And they were all boring.
• I have been in a threesome. But not from lack of trying.
• I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
• I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
• I curse a whole fucking lot. Every opportunity I get.
• I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
• I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
• I'm TOTALLY smart. SMRT, no less.
• I've broken someone's bones.
• I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal. I'd tell you what it is, but I'm too ashamed.
• I hate the rain.
• I'm paranoid.
• I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
• I need money right now.
• I love sushi.
• I talk really, really fast.
• I have fresh breath in the morning. Not this morning at least. Damn tequila shots.
• I have long hair.
• I have lost money in Las Vegas.
• I have at least one sibling.
• I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
• I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
• I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
• I like the way that I look.
• I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
• I know how to cornrow. Sounds dirty...
• I am usually pessimistic.
• I have a lot of mood swings.
• I think prostitution should be legalized. They did it last year and I haven't noticed the end of civilisation yet.
• I think Britney Spears is pretty. Pretty annoying too...
• I slept with a roommate.
• I have a hidden talent.
• I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
• I have a lot of friends. I have a medium amount of friends.
• I am currently single.
• I have pecked someone of the same sex. Sounds dirty...
• I enjoy talking on the phone.
• I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
• I love to shop.
• I enjoy window shopping.
• I would rather shop than eat.
• I would classify myself as ghetto.
• I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
• I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.
• I don't hate anyone. I dislike them.
• I'm a pretty good dancer. But only if dancing includes moshing to Tool.
• I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
• I have a cell phone.
• I believe in a god.
• I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months. I have passed out drunk in the last 6 hours...
• I've rejected someone before.
• I currently like someone.
• I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. More like too many ideas.
• I want to have children in the future. I really hate kids.
• I have changed a diaper before.
• I've called the cops on a friend before.
• I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
• I'm not allergic to anything. Not that I'm aware of...
• I have a lot to learn.
• I am shy around the opposite sex. Unless I'm drunk...
• I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
• I have at least 5 away messages saved.
• I have tried alcohol or drugs before. You mean there are people that haven't?
• I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
• I own the "South Park" movie.
• I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
• When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum. Does that mean what I think it does...?
• I enjoy some country music.
• I would die for my best friends. Yeah but I'd die for all kinds of stupid things.
• I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza. Urgh. Pizza Hut, gross!
• I watch soap operas whenever I can. Urgh, soap operas. Gross!
• I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
• I have used my sexuality to advance my career. I don't think my boss would go for it.
• I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all. Urgh, Michael Jackson. Gross!
• I know all the words to Slick Rick’s "Children’s Story".
• Halloween is awesome.
• I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
• I have dated a close friend's ex.
• I like surveys/memes.
• I am happy at this moment.
• I'm obsessed with guys. Not guys in general, no.
• Democrat.
• Conservative Republican.
• I am punk rockish.
• I am preppy.
• I go for older guys/girls, not younger. Quiet there in the cheap seats!
• I study for tests most of the time.
• I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
• I can work on a car.
  
• I love my job. Ha!
• I am comfortable with who I am right now.
• I have more than just my ears pierced. I'm a non-conforming non-conformist.
• I walk barefoot wherever I can. My feet are too beautiful to be exposed to the nasty outside world.
• I have jumped off a bridge. Not that I can remember.
• I love sea turtles. I love pretty much anything stupid looking.
• I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
• I believe in prophetic dreams. If even one of my dreams was prophetic I'd be very frightened.
• I plan on achieving a major goal/dream. Just not sure which one yet.
• I am proficient on a musical instrument. Proficient but still with a long way to go.
• I worked at McDonald’s restaurant.
• I hate office jobs. Don't know what else I'd do...
• I love sci-fi movies.
• I think water rules.
• I went to college out of state. Not exactly, as we don't have states, but I did deliberately move as far as I could from my hometown.
• I am adopted.
• I like sausage. Sounds dirty... (but I don't mean it like that).
• I am a pyro. Who isn't?
• I love the Red Sox.
• I have thrown up from crying too much.
• I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
• I love kisses when they’re done well.
• I fall for the worst people and have been hurt every time.
• I adore bright colors. Black all the way.
• I love Dear Abby.
• I can't live without black eyeliner.
• I think school is awesome. Ha!
• I think pigtails serve a purpose. Quiet there in the cheap seats!
• I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
• I usually like covers better than originals.
• I don't like multi-textured ice cream.
• I think John Cusack is adorable.
• I fucking hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.
• I watch Food Network way too much.
• I love coaching youth sports.
• I can pick up things with my toes. Why go to the bother of bending over every time you want to get something off the floor?
• I can't whistle.
• I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes’ slither. Not sure about this one but there's no one around to judge my attempts.
• I have ridden/owned a horse.
• I still have every journal I’ve ever written in.
• I can't stick to a diet.
• I talk in my sleep.
• I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century. I'm not sure which one I should have been born in though.
• I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions. If by 'distractions' you mean 'alcohol'.
• Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
• I have jazz in my blood.
• I would not be friends if they weren't family.
• I wear a toe ring.
• I have tattoos.
• I love vaginas. I'm more concerned with what they're a part of...
• I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
• I am a caffeine junkie.
• I know who Santos L. Halper is.
• I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed.
• I love wrestling.
• I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
• If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
• I cosplayed or know what cosplaying is. The latter only!
• I have been to over 15 conventions.
• I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
• I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner. Even though the thought makes me queasy right at the moment...
• I'm an artist.
• I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made.
• I am ambidexterous.
• I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed. This was true when I was a kid though.
• My computer has a name. Ariadne.
• If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.
• I have terrible teeth.
• I hate my toes.
• I did this Meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me. Not by name, anyway.
• I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
• I have lived in either three different states or countries.
• I am extremely flexible.
• I love hugs more than kisses.
• I want to own my own business.
• I smoke or have tried cigarettes.
• I have met a star from ABC's LOST.
• I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else. Even if you don't count work.
• Nobody has ever said I'm normal. If they did I'd take it as an insult.
• Sad movies, games, fics and the like can cause a trickle of tear every now and then.
• I am proficient in the use of many types firearms and combat weapons.
• I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.
• I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.
• I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
• I have played tennis with my non dominant hand before
• I have played strip poker with someone else before.
• I read the labels on food, shampoo, and other things just because. What else is there to do in the shower?
• I have or have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help. Although God knows people have tried to make me.
• I believe in ghosts and the paranormal, I just don’t make it easy for them to convince me.
• I can't stand being alone.
• I have at least one obsession at any given time.
• I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again. No, but that sounds like fun!
• I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.
• I know what THAC0 means. Who doesn't?
• I have a signed Tom Servo head.
• I would rather sit in the same spot doing nothing than do homework. Depends on the subject.
• I love eating regular flavored Crest toothpaste.
• I've never been in love
• I like angry boys too much for my own good.
• I have made one or more fancharacters for almost every fandom I've ever had.
• I organize to the extent of being OCD, but my living space is generally a mess.
• I have, at times in the past, mocked someone else for liking something I thought was stupid, only to become obsessed with it myself. But I have been the mockee in this situation many times. I'm always ahead of the fashion...
  
• I have bad taste in music.
• I like tuna salad on saltine crackers instead of bread.
• I think people that say that "these are the best days of your life!" to school kids should be taken out and beaten. Repeatedly. Especially if they actually believe it. I am honestly at a loss to understand how anyone could believe it.
• I own many many books I have never read, and probably never will because no matter how broke I am, I still manage to acquire books almost as fast as I can read them.

You're Welcome

Sigur Ros – Takk...

After gushing about another Sigur Ros album earlier I was pretty keen to get the new one. It's another incremental but solid development of their signature sound. The differences aren't all that obvious but they're there. Too my ears it sounds a little glitchy, which is a bit of a surprise, there are pops and crackles of static in the background of many songs, and the acoustic instruments sound a little scratchy and play with slightly stuttered rhythms, most notably on the second track Glōsōli. Secondly the songs are somewhat more conventional and accessible than on previous releases. The song structures are more poppy and the ambient noodling is kept in check a little more than on (). The vocals are also more song like, although their singers weird croon is still, well, weird. So having said that it is only slightly more accessible, with many songs still pushing the ten minute mark, and plenty of that Icelandic quirkiness is still present.

The songs are still primarily piano driven and pretty, although at times it does go a little heavier and let the distorted guitars rip over big stompy drum beats. Of course this is still not Rammstein, the music remains distinctly upbeat through and through. Perhaps a little too upbeat, while I noted that Àgætis Burjyn risked falling into tweeness but didn't, this album pushes that boundary a bit more, meaning it can become grating if you're in a bad mood.

I don't quite enjoy this one as much as Àgætis Burjyn , and it's not a huge development from what they've done in the past, but it's still pretty solid. These guys are (in my opinion) one of the bands that in twenty years time will be recognised as having majorly influenced the direction of popular music, but I guess we'll have to wait a while to see if I'm right.

At Last, An Online Magazine That Caters to Me

Modern Drunkard Magazine Online - my kind of people.

Breaking News of the Utmost Importance

Last night Tool had an online chat for members of their fan club (I'm not a member, I don't think it's worth the expense).

According to Fourth Eye:

1. There'll be a live DVD out before the new album.
2. A tour with Isis is probable! Even though we probably won't be seeing them for a year or so (and there's no guarantee that Tool will bring Isis out to the antipodes), I'm already about to pee myself with excitement.
   

Obnoxious Post of the Day, Grumpy Friday Edition

You know I spend a lot of time hanging out with goth/metaller/counter-culture types and I've found that it can lull you into a false impression that most people in the world have reasonable taste in music, and the reason that dire shite like Coldplay, INXS and Nickelback are popular is just some arbitrary product of a big marketing machine combined with the collective ignorance of teenagers and the middle aged.

Then you read something like this, twitching all the way to the bottom of the post (where she suggests that The Datsuns are goth...), and you remember that most people genuinely do like popular music. They base their music tastes on the image and marketing of the performer, and worse than that they actually prefer music that's insipid and boring to music that's original, creative and inspired. (And if you have a delicate disposition like me, don't read the previous post in the series about classical music, it might make you swoon (or put your fist through the wall, depending on how much Soulfly you've been listening to.))

After a stiff drink I felt a little better and began to think about the actual point of the post - is it worth having Creative New Zealand handing out taxpayers money to local musicians. My gut reaction is to say no. If I woke up tomorrow to find that I would never again have to listen to Scribe, The Feelers, The Datsuns or fucking Opshop, I'd be elated. The only CNZ funded artist I can think of who I'd even miss would be Jordan Reyne (but I'd miss her a lot...). My response when hearing about any kind of government funding of art is usually along the lines of “Whatever happened to being a poor suffering artist?” If you really care about what you're doing, it shouldn't matter if you're making a living out of it. Sure it's good if you can but holding a day job isn't going to kill you.

On the other hand it's hard to argue with the success of the governments support of NZ music over the last few years. It's explosion in popularity is simply unbelievable to those of us who remember when admitting that you liked kiwi music at school would get you bogwashed. Sure you can attribute the initial push to the selling out hard work of bands like Shihad, but the public investment is the only thing that can be credited for the full change and the new industry will no doubt do good things for the economy in years to come. So in summary, I like foresighted government spending, I don't like crap pop music, or the people who buy it.

Obnoxious Link of the Day

Via Arts and Letters: The point of this article about why the Greeks were better than the Maya is valid, but I find the author's tone rather obnoxious. In particular, this sentence describing the Maya makes me shake my head in disappointment at just how many of their good qualities he has turned a blind eye to:

"[...] murderous and predatory chieftains with little but power, conquest, self-glorification, enslavement, and killing and torture on their minds. Yes: they wore spectacular feather head-dresses. Yes: they built sky-high piles of masonry. But their hands dripped blood—incessantly."

The next big thing: Pirate vs. Ninja vs. Mayans. Now that's what I call REAL ULTIMATE POWER!

“Captives were tortured in unpleasant ways depicted clearly on the monuments and murals (such as yanking fingers out of sockets, pulling out teeth, cutting off the lower jaw, trimming of the lips and fingertips, pulling out the fingernails, and driving a pin through the lips), culminating, sometimes years later, in the sacrifice of the captive in other equally unpleasant ways such as tying the captive up into a ball by binding the arms and legs together, then rolling the balled-up captive down the steep stone staircase of a temple.”

Amusing Link of the Day

Ms. Vile File posts the Seven Habits of Highly Annoying New Zealanders.

Living in Christchurch has given me a lot of experience with number 7:

"From what the author has seen of the rest of NZ, 'Auckland Ways' may include wearing shoes and the ability to eat with one's mouth closed."

I'll Crawl Over Fifty Good Pussies Just to Get to One Fat Boy's Asshole

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds – Murder Ballads

Since I (belatedly) started getting into Nick Cave's Abbatoir Blues double album I've been picking up random albums from his back catalog here and there, but none of them has impressed me quite as much (although The Boatman's Call is still growing on me). But the other day I got Murder Ballads, which from the first listen more than lived up to Abbatoir Blues.

This album is a collection of songs about death, murder and love, based on the murder ballad tradition. Despite the heavy subject matter Cave's lyrics are often quite humourous. My favorite track is Stagger Lee, which describes the daily activities of 'one mad motherfucker' as he goes around causing havoc. Cave's lyrics are particularly clever and catchy on this song, and I especially like his enthusiastic use of profanity. The most memorable line is that quoted in the title of the post.

Also of note are The Curse of Millhaven, which, with infectiously upbeat backing music, relates the tale of a psychotic fifteen year old girl who preys on the members of the little town of Millhaven, and of course Nick Cave's most successful song Where the Wild Roses Grow, which can attribute it's popularity to the presence of that grating poptart Kylie Minogue.*

The album ends with a very pretty cover of Bob Dylan's Death is not the End, during which various guests and band members each get a chance to sing a couple of lines. And it's only natural that our man Blixa Bargeld gets the coolest line:

When the cities are on fire
With the burning flesh of men
Just remember that death is not the end.

Musically this album is not too dissimilar to others he put out at around the same time, although it tends towards being more upbeat because of the less serious mood of some the songs. It's the lyrics that make this album stand out so well, and it's simple concept works to make it a perfect example of a concept album that fits together nice and cohesively. It's definitely given me more impetus to continue collecting Bad Seeds albums.

*For some reason I find her particularly annoying, even when compared to other popstars. Some light can be shed on the cause of this dislike by observing that even when singing a song written by the brilliant Nick Cave, she still sounds like a fucking robot.

Oh, An Egg Comes Out Of A Chicken

Mr. Bungle – Self Titled

So while wandering around the record store in search of something new and interesting to buy I found myself wishing there was a Mike Patton album I didn't already own, and then I realised there was a rather obvious canditate, the first Mr. Bungle album.

The reason I've left off buying this album for so long is because it just isn't quite as good as their later ones. While they still blend a number of diverse genres from metal to jazz, they don't go quite as far afield as they do on their later albums (there are no middle eastern or movie soundtrack styled songs for example), and as a result it is not as varied and unpredictable. But having said that it's still a pretty damn good listen.

Mr. Bungle are more of a joke band on this album than on the later ones, and while a lack of seriousness is never a recommendation in my book, Patton, Spruance and company make up for it quite a bit by actually being pretty funny. I searched the lyrics booklet for a couple of funny lines to quote, but there's nothing that stands well on it's own, most of the humour comes from the general context of the song. About the only bad things I can say about it are that it has a few too many long periods of quiet muttering and vomiting noises, and that it lacks the depth of their later albums.

This is a release from way back, 1991 to be precise, so it's one of Mike Patton's earliest releases. The disturbing (but also somehow humourous) subject matter of this album (including porn, sex with food, a dude who wants to shag his mum, and John Travolta) set the tone for much of the rest of his career as a lyricist.

While it's not as strong as Mr. Bungle's later albums, this one is a classic in some indefinable way that the others aren't. Maybe it's just that it was so original for its time, or maybe it's just that later on, while they grew in talent, their enthusiasm was diminished a little by their increasing fame (which is never good for a determinedly non-mainstream band like these guys).

Big Day Out 2006 First Announcement

The first round of bands were announced for next years Big Day Out today.

Headlining we have:

The White Stripes
Iggy and the Stooges
The Mars Volta
Franz Ferdinand
Kings of Leon
Sleater-Kinney
AFI

We also have The Living End and Gerling, and a whole bunch of kiwi bands including The Bleeders and Pluto.

Now there are a lot of bands there that I half heartedly wouldn't mind seeing, but absolutely nothing that compels me to splash out for a ticket and a plane ride to the North Island. So at first glance it looks like I will be missing the festival for the first time in eight years...

Normally the biggest bands are announced first (and they've indicated that this year is going to be lower key than the last few, which would explain the lack of really huge names in this announcement), however I have reason to hope that there might be one or two big bands left to be announced.

If you look at the list of bands above you might notice something... that's right, they're all soft cock indie dance-rock bands, and there's not a metal band to be seen (and not a whole lot of electronic or hip hop acts either). So maybe they're announcing things by genre this time around... it's a bit of a strange idea, but I find it pretty strange that there wouldn't be a single metal/hard rock band on the lineup either. Either way, we'll find out in a month or so.

So Korn, the Deftones, Soulfly and Rammstein all have albums out before now and the end of the year, any one of whom would probably persuade me to buy a ticket.

Elsewhere Russel Brown predictably gushes over the same lineup.

This is the Virus, the Virus of Life

(via Joel) The Human Virus Scanner:

My results -

The virus that have infected you will be show here along with thier cures, if known.

Viruses you suffer from:

Linux

Install the latest version of Microsoft Windows. Learn to love it.

Gaming

Life is not a game. Roll 3D6. On a 4 or more go out and do something with your life.

Industrial

Everyone likes folk. No, really. Maybe you should listen to the Incredible String Band.

BBCB

CTRL-Break, and get a real computer. Repeat: "Mode 7 was not a good thing."

Sci-fi

Stop wearing the stick-on ears.

8-Bit

Polygons, all the polygons you can get are not enough.

Religion

Read "God's Debris" by Scott Adams (yes, the Dilbert guy)

Windows

Try MacOS X. It's based on UNIX, it has a smoother UI than Windows and it doesn't suck.
As an extra feature the boxes look nice.

Politics

Stop caring!

Computer Games

Stop staring at the screen and get some fresh air. You should see a doctor about the RSI in your thumbs.

Ultima

If you find one tell us.

Viruses you might suffer from:

Pokemon (60%)

Pikachu! Use your hyper-electric-get-a-life move now!

USA (70%)

Rule, Britannia! Britannia rule the waves! [repeat]

Junkfood (60%)

Eat some real food. Something which you can identify the source of every ingredient, not the point of manufacture.

UNIX (75%)

Anything this old must be obselete. Go and install a nice modern operating system. I hear MSDOS has come a long way lately.

Discordia (60%)

Buy a suit. Invest your money. Eat hotdog buns on a friday.

vi (90%)

Escape Meta Alt Control Shift.

Brand Names (80%)

Having a well-known name doesn't make it good.

Conspiracy Theory (73%)

Face it, the elected government is in control. Actually that's quite scary.

Hippyism (93%)

Free love is passe and potentially dangerous, and patchouli smells like cat piss.

Environmentalism (70%)

Consume more stuff! It's easier to buy new stuff than to recycle.

Macintosh (80%)

Use a mouse with more than one button.

Prog Rock (60%)

Long hair looks dumb with a bald spot. Listen to CD's they don't crackle.

Classical Music Day 2

So I bought me some more Ravel (for the record that's Ravel: Bolero, Daphnis et Chloe (Suite No. 1), Mar mere l'oye, Valses nobles et sentimentales, performed by the Czechoslovak Radio Symphony Orchestra and conducted by Kenneth Jean), this disc in particular caught my eye mainly just because it contains his most well known composition Bolero, as well as some of the stuff off of the album I bought earlier in a more complete form.

Unfortunately it's a bit of a disappointment to me, I feel like a bit of a wank criticising this disc, since I know shit fuck all about classical music, but what the hey, if I can't spout my uninformed opinion onto my own blog, where can I do it? I've been meaning to get round to buying a performance of Bolero for some years, ever since I heard the whole thing on the radio one afternoon. I have no idea who was playing or conducting that version, but the orchestra built itself into such a frenzied, powerful climax that it's stayed with me all these years, despite my never having heard it again. However the performance on this disc is a little limp compared to that one.

I understand that the idea behind Bolero was that of a young Spanish girl dancing in front of a whole bunch of men and driving them to distraction with arousal. Its gradual build up and balance of upbeat and offkey phrases conveys the image perfectly, but it seems on this version they've played it straight and peppy and it doesn't convey the energy (and the hint of madness) of the performance I first heard. They do a good job of the rest of the songs on the CD though.

Of Course I'm Alive, No One Can Defeat Me!

Posting has been minimal so far this week and will remain so for the duration, on account of me being real real busy. In the meantime please enjoy the funniest thing I've seen on the internet today: Excerpts from the book "Live from Metropolis: An uncensored oral history of the Justice League".

A Good Start

Àgætis Burjyn – Sigur Rós

Another rediscovery from the depths of the CD drawer. After reading the effusive reviews of Sigur Rós' latest release Takk, I gave their previous album () a listen. I was then keen to buy the new one, but I also realised I had a copy of an older album of theirs, Àgætis Burjyn, that I'd barely listened to.

Sigur Ros are justifiably raved about throughout the music press. Even though their mellow melancholic mood is far from my favourite style, I can't help but appreciate their musical talent. In and of itself their style isn't completely original, being sort of related to the post-Radiohead mope-rock movement but Sigur Rós execute it absolutely flawlessly, creating sublimely beautiful and uplifting music that even I, Mr. Obnoxious Cynic Man, find it hard to detect a note of schmaltz or tweeness in.

Every track on this album is pretty good but my favourite song would have to be Viðrar vel til loftárása, which slowly builds from a gentle piano piece to a string laden climax before disintegrating into exuberantly joyful chaos. I probably prefer this album to (), but they're both 'must own' items, and I'll be getting the new one tomorrow.

The Book of the New Sun (Vol 1)

by Gene Wolfe

The Book of the New Sun is one of the most respected fantasy series of recent times. The cover of the book is covered with fulsome praise from todays most popular fantasy authors, so when I started it I was expecting a staggering work of tremendous importance. This first volume collects the first two books of the series, Shadow of the Torturer and Claw of the Conciliator, out of a total of four.

My first impression was that while Wolfe is a great prose writer, certainly far above the abilities of ninety percent of his peers, the underlying story was not terribly interesting or interesting. Our protagonist is a young boy named Severian with minimal knowledge of the world outside the medievaloid society he is a part of. After a whole lot of pre-coming-of-age setup events conspire to thrust him out alone into the world, with of course a couple of Important Quests. In other words it sounds like every other fantasy novel ever published (I have no idea why the coming of age story is so ubiquitous within fantasy, but it's annoying because I have minimal interest in the premise. Maybe I just haven't come of age myself yet). Fortunately once he gets out into the world (about half way through the first book) things get a whole lot more interesting.

The characters, despite their stilted mannerisms, are all very well drawn, but Wolfe's real strength, apart from his prose, is the detail of the world he's created and the clever twists he's put on the 'so sci-fi it's fantasy' subgenre, by which I mean the subset of sci-fi when it's so far in the future that people have forgotten about technology and view it as 'magic'.

Over this volume Wolfe introduces a large number of interesting and original places, people and creatures, and shrouds them all in a kind of romantic mystery which keeps you reading, despite being always unsure of exactly what is going on (in some ways this series belongs to another sci-fi subgenre as well, one that I like to call the 'what the fuck is going on' genre, see also The Malazan Book of the Fallen).

While I had my misgivings at the beginning of the story, by the end of this volume I understood completely why this series is held in such high regard. Wolfe creates a mythic, melancholy mood with his skillful writing, and gives what appeared to me at first glance to be a quite cliched story a lot of originality and mystery.

Important Announcement

The new Rammstein single kicks arse.

She'll Come Back as Fire, and Burn all the Liars

Nirvana – In Utero

Quite easily my favourite Nirvana album, but for some reason the last one I've gotten around to buying. Their earlier messiness has given way to some more gentle songs, such as All Apologies and the ever popular Heart Shaped Box*, making it easier to appreciate Kurt's songwriting ability. Even the mental thrashy songs like Very Ape and tourette's have a more upbeat vibe than similar songs on their previous releases, they're more sardonic than angry. In fact, after listening to it it's strange to think that Kurt was going to kill himself.

The reason I like this album the best is probably the juxtaposition of messy and accessible songs, as I found Bleach for example less enjoyable because it's one big mess from beginning to end.

One of the aspects of Nirvana that is usually overlooked in my opinion is the lyrics (probably because they're mostly incomprehensible), but Kurt had real skill at stringing together meaningless phrases in a way that made them meaningful. No one knows what the fuck a 'scentless apprentice' really is, but it sure brings some interesting imagery to mind.

* Random memory associated forever with this song: Some girl ringing up the radio and going on a passionate, (but totally justified) rant about how it (Heart Shaped Box) was only so popular because everyone assumes it's a love song when really it's quite the opposite.

Astro City: Family Album

by Kurt Busiek

So I think I've clicked to the premise behind Astro City. Busiek wants to focus on the effects that the presence of superheroes would realistically have on peoples lives. Of course he's not allowed to do this with DC's normal characters, they'd have a fit if anyone did anything 'disrespectful' to Superman. So instead he's invented his own city filled with characters who look and sound suspiciously like certain other superheroes. The premise may be a bit wanky, but Busiek's a really good writer and the superhero genre is so overblown, cliched and self-important that it makes a lot of sense to do something like this.

As you might guess, Family Album is a collection of stories about family. The first one, 'Welcome to Astro City' tells the story of an ordinary family who have just moved to Astro City. It's not overly interesting, but it is kind of cool to see how regular people react to angry gods appearing and threatening to destroy the city every month or so.

The second, 'Everyday Life', deals with the problems a young girl has trying to fit in with her peers, when she's a member of a family of superheroes. Again I didn't find the main story all that appealing, but there's some nice satire of normal superhero stories.

I like the next story, 'Show 'Em All', a lot more. Coincidentally enough, it didn't have a family theme. Instead it focuses on an aging villain, the Junkman, who pulls off a brilliant bank heist, but becomes disillusioned when he realises he's outwitted every hero in Astro City and no one will ever know.

Next is 'Serpent's Teeth', which depicts the fears of a new father rather literally when a superhero is visited by various demented versions of his son from different possible futures. I enjoyed this one a lot, as Busiek combines the high concept with action very smoothly.

Lastly there's my favorite story, 'In the Spotlight'. Again, not a family story. In this one we hear the story of Loony Leo, a cartoon character who was (literally) bought to life in the fourties, and proceeds to live a very non-cartoony show business life. This one probably appealed to me a lot because of it's juxtaposition of supposedly innocent entertainment (a talking cartoon animal) and more adult show business (the drugs, hookers and crime). I'm always a sucker for that sort of subversion.

I didn't enjoy this one quite as much as Confessions, the last Astro City collection I read, but it was still a pretty good read.

Post Election Special: This Will Be The Only One, I Promise

So despite everything I said, I caved at the last minute and voted for Labour. I couldn't keep honestly telling myself that I didn't care whether National or Labour won.

A few notes on the result:

• Damn, I should have put money on it. My predictions would have been almost bang on. The only thing I was wrong about was thinking (hoping) that NZFirst wouldn't make 5%.

• I was right about Winston losing Tauranga, which is kind of good, but not so great for Tauranga who have valiantly voted for another brainless idiot and still not managed to excise Winston from parliament.

• I was right about Rodney winning Epsom, which is good too (although I wasn't so sure I wanted him to win when the result was still in the balance). I'm glad that ACT are still around, and it's also nice to see that they've shed a few of their more nutso MPs.

• In the end I am not so glad that Labour won as I am that National lost. I've enjoyed having a good gloat at the expense of the smug right wing bloggers.

• What's this bullshit the media has started about a 'divided nation'? So the election was close. Every election is close (OK, except for the last one). The fucking media are just too stupid to do their own analysis and instead just take whatever the US news is talking about and try to make it apply to this country instead.

Peculiar Incoming Searches of the Week

"drunken munters"

"danlo hanuman slash" - (see here)

Sick of Politics?

Own Half-Life 2?

Try out the first episode of Minerva, a single player mod for Half-Life. It's professionally done and very intelligently written. Let off some election stress by spending an hour beating aliens to death with a crowbar.

Election Special #5: Jon's Ideal Defence Policy

So what we do, is we invite US vessels carrying nuclear weapons back into New Zealand waters and ports. Why? So we can steal them! Then we point all the weapons at major American cities, and extort billions of dollars from them! And use them to finance tax cuts!

You'll never stop us Jack Bauer! You only have 12 hours left until the bombs go off! Mwahahahahaha!

Election Special #4: What's Wrong With You? What's Wrong With Everybody In This Crazy Place?

OK, here comes the big rant. Before I start I'd like to point to these two posts at Three Point Turn which say a few of the same things I've been meaning to much more succinctly than I'd likely be able to.

One of the positive things that I've noticed during from this election campaign is how reasonable and easy going your average Kiwi is about differing political views. I think it's because this is such a small country. Everyone is exposed to all sorts of different opinions because we're all mixed up together, as opposed to say the US, where huge swathes of the country homogenously vote one way or the other and people are screaming about a divided nation, colour coding their states and proposing that people who voted for the other guy should all be shot.

Of course you wouldn't know this from watching the news or reading the blogs in the run up to our election. A vote for Don Brash is a vote to send the country down a road to economic ruin and racial civil war. Labours dwindling polls are the last gasp of a failed socialist experiment. And every two point shift in the polls is the inspiration for a spittle flecked exclamation point filled post. For Christs sake! Who can take the polls that seriously when they're differing by ten points from day to day?

And the most passionate of the people who are behaving like this are supporting either National or Labour. Now the same thing happened last year in the lead up to the American election, but I could understand it a little better there, there's a war on, thousands of lives (at least) depended directly on who got elected. But National and Labour are hardly worth getting so excited about, and I'll tell you why.

While perusing the policies of the smaller parties I always came away with a strong idea of their ideology and what you can expect them to do if elected. National and Labour on the other hand have no central ideology other than a vague hand wave in the direction of the left or right wing. Their policies are in no way in aid of any over all goal, (no matter how much Helen goes on about her vision for New Zealand), they're all just bribes, coloured in differently but fundamentally just there to garner votes. So this is why the only party that has no policies that piss me off is Labour, because their entire campaign is based around the smallest number of people a reason to vote against them.

Now I'm not saying 'the big parties are all the same, man...' there are clear differences between them, and I honestly think that Labour are clearly the lesser of two evils, but I find it quite bewildering that so many people can so passionately stand up for either of them. Supporting either party is nothing to be proud of, they're both just two crowds of loud-mouthed, obnoxious, self-interested idiots who are just doing and saying whatever they need to in order to be elected. The parties resemble a pair of opposing sports teams far more than my idea of what a political party should be. And that goes double for their supporters, the day I hear NZPundit say anything more than mildly critical of National or Russell Brown do the same of Labour will be the same day the population of Christchurch collectively stands up and says how they never really liked the Crusaders that much anyway. Almost all the political blogs in the country pretty much turned their brains off a couple of months ago and have since then stood in the corner waving a flag and yelling “Go team go!”

But back to the parties themselves. I can reluctantly see why this state of affairs is probably for the best. These big parties will never do anything radical or unexpected (unless perhaps there is a real crisis that must be reacted to quickly), meaning the law itself will change only naturally and slowly, trailing somewhat behind public opinion. This means that while it is a slow path to achieve anything worthwhile (for example our country's baby steps taken towards gay marriage), it reduces the chance that some idiot is going to show up and create a huge big mess that will do significant harm to the country in the long term. Of course, even in the most static two party systems this can still happen (*cough*Bush*cough*), but I think we're fortunate enough here not to be in that position, at least not this time around.

So in short, I don't want to vote for a party that has smugly calculated which policies will appeal the most to the broadest range of undecided voters, just so they can keep their fat ugly arses in their cushy seats for another three years, even if (for that very reason) they're the only party whose policies I find palatable. That's why I'm voting for Legalise Cannabis this year.

Next problem: I live in Wigram and refuse to vote for Jim Anderton. I know absolutely nothing about any of the other candidates, who should I vote for? (Current favorite: No Confidence.)

Election Special #3: Why I Hate the Centrists, Nutjobs and Miscellania

There's a bunch of random parties that even with my arbitrary categorisations can't really be classed as left or right wing, and we'll look at them today.

99 MP Party

Are you kidding? People actually think this is an important enough issue to start a party about?

Aotearoa Legalise Cannabis Party

All right! At last I've found a party whose policies I completely agree with! Of course that's easy when they only have one, but hey, I think my decision is pretty much between these guys or Labour.

United Future

More social conservatives, pretty much like Jim Anderton's party but without any of the few mitigating good points. Not a chance Pete.

New Zealand First

Well I'm not old, racist or stupid, so there's no way I'm voting for these guys. It looks like Winston might both lose the Tauranga seat and not make the 5% threshold either so if we're lucky we'll finally be rid of this idiot after this election.

So after all that it looks like I basically am going to have to make a decision between Legalise Cannabis or Labour. Legalise Cannabis are a bit of a protest vote and not much more but I'm tempted to go that way at the moment. Tomorrow I'll explain the problem I have with voting for Labour (which also applies to National).

Election Special #2: Why I Hate the Left Wing

Today we continue our look at the upcoming election, this time I'll try and see if there's any reason the idiots currently in power (or their would be cronies) should get my vote.

Labour

So I voted for these guys last time but about a year ago I decided there was no way they would ever be getting my vote this time, on the basis that during their last two campaigns they promised to help out tertiary students, and proceeded to do precisely sweet fuck all on that front. I don't consider the student loans bribes, either this years version or last times 'no interest while you're studying' deal, 'help' because what they really should be doing is making sure fees are reduced to reduce the amount of loans in the first place.

Since I made this decision things have only gotten worse for Labour. Between George Hawkins, David Benson-Pope, John Tamihere and the PM, they've basically managed to the party as a whole look like a bunch of spineless idiots, yet still I find myself thinking that maybe I should give them my vote. You see, with the exception of the police force stuff, all these scandals have reflected poorly on the MPs character, but not on their ability to govern and when I think about it, I'm not entirely dissatisfied with what they've been doing over the last six years. Sure there's a few things that piss me off, like the smoking in bars ban, but they're pretty minor things compared to the things I'm happy about, such as the Civil Union Bill. They even seem to have the economy on track. History shows us that just because someone's a wanker doesn't mean they're not a good leader.

I don't have a loan, so their big bribe doesn't affect me personally, but on the other hand I know a lot of people who would benefit from it. So they're my kind of default choice, a more sensible alternative than the Libertarianz, but I'd still feel a little dirty after voting for them.

Alliance

Whenever I read an interview with one of these guys I find myself nodding along in agreement, until about three quarters of the way through, when they inevitably go off the rails, usually because they want to have George Bush charged with war crimes or something similarly wild eyed. Of course a vote for the Alliance is pretty much a vote into the void in any case, because they have no chance in hell of getting in. I'd feel better about voting for them than for Labour, but at the expensive of inviting a greater nutjob factor into government. I'm especially uncomfortable with their anti-GE stance.

Democrats for Social Credit

They want to spend more on defence, possibly the only left wing party to do so. They are fairly socialist, promising to put lots of money into pretty much everything, but I don't have a problem with that. On the other hand they seem to share a bit of the Alliance/Greens GE-phobia and UN fetish. Overall though, they seem pretty sensible. Probably a better option for me than the Alliance.

Destiny

Well at least they're not the pedophile party, but in all other aspects they may as well be Christian Heritage. Lets just all cross our fingers and hope that whoever ends up in the government next week, these guys aren't a part of it.

Direct Democracy

5 facts about the Direct Democracy party:

1. They're nuts! - Their number one policy is based around the upcoming peak oil crisis.

2. They're affiliated with neo-nazis – Kyle Chapman, former leader of the National Front is number 10 on their party list.

3. They're nuts! - They believe New Zealand is in danger of being owned by evil multinational corporations.

4. They want referenda for everything, Switzerland styles.

5. They're nuts! - No really, they make the Alliance and the Libertarianz look totally normal.

Progressive

Jim Anderton is my nemesis. His bill to reduce the drinking age is about the only policy suggested at this election that will actually directly effect me. I've mentioned this before, but on top of that I have a very strong dislike of 'Drugs-Are-Bad' nanny state behaviour. No chance Jimbo.

Maori

Don't actually have a lot to offer me, believe it or not. At any rate any socially conservative party is pretty much out of the question right from the start as far as I'm concerned anyway.

Greens

I'm right with the Greens on about half of their policies, but the other half turn me off immensely. First of all I find their anti-science hysteria with regards to GE and nuclear power quite alarming, and secondly I think that while their social views (Gender Identity Bill) are commendable, I don't think the government should be legislating morality, even when it's morality I agree with. I'd rather vote for the Alliance, their nutcase factor seems to be significantly lower.

So, common sense suggests I should vote Labour, but I have a strong disinclination towards voting for one of the two major parties at the moment. I don't have time to explain why in this post, but I suspect that issue and a few other things are coalescing into a major rant, which will likely explode onto this blog late this week.

As much as it would have amused me to vote for the Libertarianz, I think it's actually in my interests to at least vote for a party that will form a coalition with Labour, unfortunately, all of the available options fuck me off at least a little bit. But hey, there are still a few more options that I haven't mentioned yet... stay tuned for tomorrows edition.

Election Special #1: Why I Hate the Right Wing

So for the last few weeks while doing my daily blogroll I couldn't help notice that a few of those blogs listed over on the right sidebar there were talking about the upcoming election. Now, I still have no idea who I'm going to vote for so I thought I'd post my thoughts on the different parties as I try and work out which one of them I despise the least.

First up I'll start with the right wing parties (I've been pretty arbitrary with my designations of left and right, as I think the whole one-dimensional spectrum of political alignment is a fairly inadequate descriptor anyway, but I'll save that rant for another time).

National

First up, I don't want a tax cut. Secondly, I don't consider myself a 'mainstream New Zealander' and in fact if someone called me that I'd probably take it as an insult. I'm probably not Don Brash's idea of a mainstream New Zealander anyway. After that as far as policy goes they don't seem to have many specifics, just a few promises to review this or that, and to deal with those uppity Maoris.

That last one is the only one that bothers me, but on the other hand National have given me absolutely no reason at all to want to vote for them. It seems that they're mostly just running on a campaign of 'Labour are crap', it didn't work for John Kerry, and now I think I understand why.

So, that was 0 policies that I agree with for National, and 1 policy that pisses me off.

ACT

I've always had a lot of respect for ACT, their not afraid to stick to their modestly libertarian principles even in a situation (i.e. speaking at a university) where those views are not going to be popular. I think they get unfairly characterised as a bunch of greedy old fat rich bastards, when that's probably only really true of less than half of their candidates.

On the other hand, despite their claims to be 'The Liberal Party', their record on social issues is not so great. I'll use the civil union bill as a kind of litmus test for this sort of thing and only about half of their MPs voted for it.

Lets look at their policies one by one:

Privatise health – Thumbs down from Jon.

Tax cuts – Doesn't bother me one way or the other.

Tertiary education – Student loans can be paid off faster by people paying less tax – Fair enough...

Primary/Secondary education – nothing that sounds too dramatic, or anything that inclines me either way.

“We're Tuff On Crime!” - The perennial meaningless appeal to fear that all right wing parties are likely to trot out every now and again – Thumbs down from Jon

Rural & Economy – Yeah, these sound alright...

Enviroment – Get rid of all those useless natural parks (but not the real pretty ones, honest!) - Another big thumbs down!

Defense – Increase defence spending, which I approve of, but they also promise to fellate George Bush as vigorously as possible, so we'll call it a wash.

Small government – Thumbs up.

Superannuation – scrap it, and introduce mandatory saving – thumbs down, again.

Treaty Issues (a euphemism for Race Relations it seems) – Pretty much the same as National, but with a few added whinges that National stole it from them in the first place.

Well done ACT, one policy I liked and five I didn't. You were better off in my estimation before I read through your website. I guess it's just as well I didn't look at National's in too much detail or might have spent all day writing this post.

Christian Heritage

Well these guys were completely offensive to me even before they became the pedophile party. A quick look at their website sent me fleeing before it put me in incoherant rant mode.

Libertarianz

I like these guys. Sure they're nuts, they want to privatise literally everything except defence and police, but I prefer their kind of open straight forward insanity to the bullshit and electioneering of the larger parties. I probably wouldn't even think of voting for them if there was any chance of them actually getting into parliament but they're quite easily the front runners for my vote among this crop of parties.

OneNZ

I haven't heard of these guys before, but a quick look at their website seems to indicate that they're the Anti-Maori party. Maybe they should rename themselves the Whitey Party. Not an option for my vote anyway...

So, currently we're voting for the Libertarianz. Over the next week I'll look at the other parties and hopefully I can find someone who actually matches my views with more than one or two of their policies.

Smax

by Alan Moore

Smax is a spin-off series from Alan Moore's Top 10 series. Top 10 is a parody mash up of cop shows and superhero comics, set in a city where everyone has a superpower. It's a light, humourous story compared to Moore's usual grim tales, and damn funny to boot. One of the main characters is a huge blue silent giant named Smax with a mysterious past, and in this book we follow him back to his home dimension to have the mystery revealed.

It turns out his homeland is a stereotypical backwater fantasy world, complete with dragons, quests and brothers and sisters getting married. Being more familiar with fantasy novels than comic books I found this much funnier than Top 10, probably because I caught far more of the in jokes. The book is peppered with references to fantasy literature and games, both generic (one character asks Smax “How long will it take to get there?” to which Smax replies “About an hour, as long as we don't get any quests.”) and specific (there's a picture of Trogdor on the city walls subtitled “And the dragon comes in the night!”).

It's a very light and fluffy book, but brilliantly written. The ending is a little cheesy, with a predictable magic meets technology kind of twist, but by and large it's thoroughly delightful from beginning to end.

One God, One Market, One Truth, One Consumer

Rage Against the Machine - Evil Empire

Again, I've waited far too long to buy this album. As certain people have been constantly reminding me for years, it is much better than their debut album. The songs are tighter and more powerful, Tom Morello's riffs are meaner and his solos are crazier, and Zack's vocals are angrier and more catchily delivered.

Of course, Rage's political lyrics are far off the deep end on the crazy hippie scale, but that's easily forgivable when the music is this good and the words are so cleverly composed. Besides, who doesn't like shouting angry slogans against the man every now and again?

The most appealing aspect of the album to me is Tom Morello's guitar playing, it's his original, catchy riffs that the songs are built around, and it's his creative, unusual uses of his instrument in his solos that set Rage apart from similar bands of the era. And he does it all with a minimal number of effects pedals. But maybe that's only exciting to me because I'm a great big music geek!

Lucifer (Volumes 2 & 3)

by Mike Carey

I had a few criticisms of the first volume of Lucifer, but they were all pretty much par for the course with the start of a long running series. The following volumes, Children and Monsters and A Dalliance with the Damned, pick up the pace a bit and develop the plot further. The first volume introduced the characters and the story, and now that the writer is in a comfortable groove things get more interesting.

As these are only the second and third volumes in a series that will probably eventually fill ten or more books, not a whole lot gets resolved, and a whole lot of plot threads get introduced that don't really go anywhere at this stage, leaving the reader somewhat unsatisfied, but again that's just the way it is with a long series.

The plot itself is hard to describe, as in the big picture there's nothing much to elaborate on the setup first volume. Lucifer hatches his own clever schemes in response to the events of the earlier book, while his enemies in heaven, hell and the afterlives of other cultures try and do the same. There are some very cool scenes, including the whole of the first story, which takes place in the Japanese version of Hell, and a very clever inverted take on the story of Adam and Eve.

These books get better as they go along, so I'm really looking forward to reading the next ones.

Kick Your Friends In Their Fucking Heads!

Evil Priest – Hardcore Gods

Earlier this year I was very impressed by Hatebreed's live show and went out and bought their album as soon as I could. I liked it a lot but it's taken me a while to get around to buying some more hardcore. My knowledgeable contacts informed me that Evil Priest (a kiwi band from Auckland I think) were worth checking out.

When listening to Hatebreed I commented that there were a few too many songs about believing in yourself and not enough about scary demons who want to eat your soul. Evil Priest go some way towards remedying this deficiency. Among the myriad thought provoking subjects they tackle on this album are “Why are horror movies not as good as they used to be?” and “Why all other hardcore bands are sellouts”.

The music is very good. There's a lot more variety than the Hatebreed album, including a reggae song and some cool country style slide guitar. On the other hand the vocals aren't nearly as powerful as those of Jamey Jasta from Hatebreed, and it's not as slickly produced (but of course that's par for the course with little known local bands). Nevertheless there's some good song writing on this album. I hear these guys have broken up now, which is a pity.

I've Been Thinking

Human beings have become the dominant form of life on this planet through a particular evolutionary advantage; the ability to reason, which gives us the power to build tools, both physical and social. Of course, this ability can only be used because of previous evolutionary developments, beginning with obvious things such as hands or speech, and moving on up to more complex social behaviour, much of which we share with other mammalian species. Without strong social behaviour, our reason would be vastly less effective. All human achievement, in science, technology, music and literature, has gotten to where it is today by building on the achievements of those who have gone before, by learning from the traditions and records that the society has accumulated over the centuries.

But humanity has been given another characteristic through the peculiar methods of evolution, the orgasm. Orgasms are fantastic, it's hard to keep dispassionately observing while you're having one, but the next time you do try and appreciate just how intense the pleasure actually is compared to anything else that might happen to you in your day to day life. However the experience is extremely transitory, so people usually focus on finding better ways to receive pleasure, such as drugs, fighting, religion, or god forbid, personal happiness. People pursue sex with great dedication, yet in todays frantic, self-obsessed world, it's usually not just the orgasm that we're after, rather validation or social standing or to just make the voices STOP goddamn it they just keep going on and on and I wasn't bad I promise but the dirty lady looked so pretty and please don't put me in the penitence hole again.

In fact, I don't think it would be an overstatement to say that of all the motivations that propel people through their daily lives in the western world, sex would be easily the most common (as most of us very rarely have to think seriously about securing food and shelter, it's really the only animal instinct still guiding us). How is it that this incredible interdependent society, so complex and with so many achievements, and so reliant on everyone following basic social conduct that specifically restrains self-interested pleasure seeking, can continue when everyone's wandering around in pursuit of the orgasm, natures own addictive high literally designed to be the best feeling possible and hard coded into our minds to be the goal of our lives?

One reason is that to a lesser degree human minds have also been programmed to desire a stable society, so unlike in the animal world sex for humans is not intended to be a violent, emotionless act. All human behaviour is governed by societal conventions, and sexual encounters, whether they last half an hour or a life time, are no exception. But that's bullshit, we've all read or seen how people behave during a war or in a lawless area, social pressures are just the cork holding back the selfish desires of the nastier elements of the human race. What is it that allowed everyone else to overcome the same instincts, rise above the animals and to form the society in the first place? And the answer is quite simple. Masturbation.

So the next time you go to the top of a huge skyscraper, miraculously towering hundreds of meters above the ground seemingly in defiance of gravity but made stable by principles worked out by hundreds of generations of structural engineers, or engage in communication with someone on the other side of the world via the intricate collaborative computer engineering feat that has formed the internet, or enjoy a piece of music composed by Beethoven, who wrote his masterpieces after studying and learning from the work of the musical scholars who came before him, remember to say “Thank you masturbation!”

Five Things I Learned From Watching Sin City

1. You can get shot several times from a pistol and not only still be alive, but ready to kick some arse.

2. You can get riddled with bullets from a machine gun at close range, but still be alive because it wasn't a head shot.

3. You can get shot several times and still have energy to beat up a few cops, be in a high speed car chase and swim through the sewers for a while.

4. If you're really tough, after that you can get run over a couple of times and still be walking.

5. And if you're really really tough, you can also take a full swing to the head with a sledgehammer and be fine.

But despite the ridiculous parts, I still thoroughly enjoyed it, mainly because of the style which emulates the comic almost exactly while also improving on it (with the splashes of colour and the way it perfectly reproduced scenes from the book in live action). On the other hand it's let down a bit by copying exactly the comic's dialogue and voiceovers, which sound good on paper but seem pretty cheesy when delivered in live action by Bruce Willis.

Well worth watching though, for a mindless but slick thrill, even if you haven't read the books.

It's an Emergency. There's an Emergency Going On

For those of you who don't regularly scan the sidebar for updates, Jeremy has a new blog.